Let your child do what they want to do.

It is not your place to constantly direct, correct, or interfere with their free will.

Stop telling your children what to do.
Stop disciplining every move they make.
You think you’re helping, but what you’re actually doing is harming their spirit and cutting their intuition off at the root.

Did me telling you what to do just bother you?
It was intentional… to help you as a parent see how it feels for your child when you tell them what to do.
Uncomfortable, right?
Maybe it made you more angry. Maybe it made you want to lash out and have a tantrum and fight back.
This is why parenting feels so hard.

Our culture is obsessed with helicoptering kids.
Micromanaging them.
Hovering over their every move like they’re going to shatter if they breathe wrong.

Just this weekend, I watched a mama I’ve known for years repeat the same cycle with her little ones.

“No.”
“Stop.”
The raised voice.
The hand gestures.
The look.
The sound.
The constant correction.

Over and over and over.

And the truth is… she isn’t a bad mama.
She’s actually a really loving mama. You can tell her greatest value as a mama is safety.
You can feel how much she cares.

But it’s extremely obvious she’s stressed.
She’s overwhelmed.
She’s powerless in her own life.
And so she tries to regain power by directing her children, controlling their every move, managing their behavior like a little emotional thermostat.

And maybe… you do the same.
Not because you’re a bad parent.
Not because you don’t love your child.
But because the world has conditioned you to believe you must protect them through control instead of connection.

But here’s the thing…

Children need freedom.
Even 18-month-old babies like my son Zephyr need freedom.
Real freedom.
Not the Western idea of “supervised freedom.”
Actual autonomy.

One of the greatest books I’ve ever read is Hunt, Gather, Parent, and the wildest part is that long before I picked it up, I was already parenting this way. My soul already knew. I was already letting Zephyr lead unless there was real danger. And reading about how Indigenous and ancient cultures trust their children only confirmed what I have always felt in my bones.

In the book Hunt, Gather, Parent, when Michaeleen traveled to Tanzania and lived among the Hadzabe, she witnessed toddlers with machetes. Toddlers near fire. Toddlers running far from adults.
Not one adult chasing them down screaming “No!”
Not one adult gripping their arm.
Not one adult smothering their exploration.

The children knew their environment.
They understood their bodies.
They carried themselves with confidence and calm.

Why?
Because their parents didn’t interfere.
Unless a real safety threat existed, the adults stepped back and allowed the child to learn through life itself.

Because here is my truth, as Christmas approaches… children don’t need expensive toys.
Life is the playground.
Rocks, sticks, dirt, water, climbing, running, touching, tasting, exploring.
That is where intelligence blossoms.

And parents think they’re keeping kids safe by controlling everything… but the truth is:

Freedom keeps them safe.
Autonomy keeps them strong.
Trust keeps them rooted.

I watch Zephyr guide himself every single day. His soul knows what he’s doing. His spirit knows where it wants to go. Unless there is a real, actual danger, I don’t interfere. I don’t insert myself into his process. I don’t cut him off from learning the world in the way only he can.

This honestly looks like: at 18 months he is 100 percent potty trained… but he wants to pee outside in the December pre-cold pre-snow weather. I tell him consistently it’s cold out… he still chooses to run outside, pee, and then run back inside.

This looks like him grabbing a knife and wanting to model what he sees… cutting food. I tell him it’s sharp… he still does it.

This looks like him making messes purposely just to clean it up… because he loves to clean.

What all three of these have in common is: he learned them through watching.
Daddy peed outside.
Mama cooks.
Mama cleans.
He wants to be part of the family, the community.

Because children don’t learn by you telling them what to do. They learn by watching.
And when you correct them, you aren’t teaching them to behave…
You’re teaching them to be critical, aggressive, controlling, bossy, and let’s be honest… just really, really mean.

And the question you need to ask yourself is:
“What kind of child do you want to raise?”

I want to raise a child who is confident to have freedom and autonomy and is attuned to his surroundings and the needs of his family and community.
So I give him freedom… autonomy to live as his soul calls.

This is why he’s confident.
This is why he has self-trust.
This is why he thrives.

Because I don’t do power games with him.
Because he isn’t trained to fear my reaction.
Because I’m not teaching him to obey me…
I’m teaching him to obey his soul.

I don’t insist Zephyr do anything. I give him an option and it’s his choice if he wants to be part of the group consciousness of our family or be his own agent of sovereignty. He gets to choose.

This looks like… Zephyr deciding if he will or won’t sit at the table with us for meals.
Because here is the truth…

Remember when you were in middle school or high school… peer pressure set in and whether you want to admit it or not, you wanted to fit in. You followed the crowd.

And let’s be honest… you still follow the crowd.
You still follow the masses by celebrating holidays that aren’t aligned with your soul or bank account, going to a job you hate because society tells you you have to… or let’s go darker… taking the COVID shot because everyone was doing it.

We are communal beings.
We want to be in community and we also want to be our individual selves.

So when it comes to Zephyr sitting at the table… he gets to choose:
Do you want to be your own person, or do you want to follow the crowd of our family and sit at the table?

Children don’t need rules.
What they need is presence.
A calm nervous system.
And the space to follow their inner compass.

The biggest gift you can give your child is this:

If they aren’t going to severely hurt themselves… do not interfere.
Let life show them the consequences.
Let curiosity be the teacher.
Let their body learn its own edges.
Let them feel the world instead of fear it.

Stop controlling your child.
It’s shameful to the spirit.
And I say that lovingly.

Think about it…
Would you want to be controlled like that?
Did you like the beginning of this blog, me telling you what to do?
I’m going to assume not.

Does it feel good when your partner controls you?
When your boss micromanages you?
When someone tells you how to feel, how to act, how to exist?

No.
It suffocates you.

Then why would your child be any different?

When you do need to guide, do it subtly and softly, the way the Maya and Hadzabe do in the book Hunt, Gather, Parent.
Indirect.
Respectful.
Empowering.
Offering the child a sense of agency.

You can do it simply with these four things:

Ask questions.
Redirect without shame.
Change the environment instead of the child.
Invite cooperation instead of demanding obedience.

If you watch me parent Zephyr, you rarely hear the word “no”.
When I do use it, it’s only around true safety or when someone’s autonomy is being violated.

Instead of telling him not to climb, I hold his hand.
Instead of pulling him off, I spot him.
Instead of shutting him down, I stay close and stay calm.

The result is fewer tantrums, fewer power struggles, fewer explosions.
Because my job is not to control him.
My job is to coexist with him.

“You take care of you and I’ll take care of me” is one of the core values of the cultures in Hunt, Gather, Parent, and I loved it so much I’ve adopted it wholeheartedly.

Secret: it actually helped me more in my marriage with Levi than as a mother with Zephyr. So take it in all your relationships.

You will have so much more peace when you stop micromanaging your child or your husband.
You’ll feel lighter.
Your days will feel softer.
Your child will feel more capable, more secure, more connected, more tuned into themselves.

This does not create spoiled children.
This creates responsible, respectful, confident, truly independent humans.

Autonomy is the secret.

And here’s something the book makes beautifully clear:

Independence is what Western culture focuses on.
Autonomy is what Indigenous cultures cultivate.

Independence says “Do it yourself.”
Autonomy says “You choose how to do it, when to do it, and if you want to do it.”

Children raised with autonomy don’t rebel.
They don’t shut down.
They don’t become needy or demanding.
They become powerful because they were trusted.

So I invite you — not tell you, but invite you — love your child enough to stop interfering.
Love them enough to let them live.
Love them enough to stop choking their spirit with “No” and “Stop” and “Don’t touch that.”

Talk less.
Experience more.

Trust them.
Trust life.
Trust their soul.

That is the highest form of motherhood there is.
This is unconditional love.