Chasing Love That Wasn't For Me...

It was only 1 year 9 months ago I missed my flight to Costa Rica, following a man around the airport hoping he would kiss me because I lacked self-love.

Let’s call this man J. I thought if I just got that kiss after 3 years, I'd finally be able to say goodbye and let him go for good.

So I walked J to his gate, where he was leaving for Hawaii, as my plane was boarding for Costa Rica. I thought I had enough time, but I didn’t. I missed my flight, and he made his. That was the last time I saw J. The image of him boarding the plane, looking back and waving—it’s still so clear.

I turned around toward my gate, replaying his words in my mind: “Genna, I love you, I do love you, but not in the way you want. You're the most amazing and best woman I’ve ever met, that’s true… and I love you because of it, but it’s just not romantic.” Those words echoed in my head as I walked away, tears dripping down my face, thinking, “I just wanted one last kiss.”

When I got to my gate to board my flight to Costa Rica, the door was closed. The plane was taking off. I did everything I could to get on, but they said, “It’s too late. Boarding is closed.”

Funny part? J had previously walked me to my gate, where we sat for lunch right next to it. Yet, I still chose to leave my gate to walk him to his, despite his words: “Genna, your gate is right here, you don’t have to walk me.” But I wanted that last kiss… again because I was lacking self love.

That moment wasn’t just the last time I saw J—it was my last failure in self-love. After 29 years of lacking self-love, the universe sent the final test, and I failed. But I learned for good that day to stop chasing men and choosing men who couldn’t love me the way I deserved, desired, and needed to be loved.

And guess what I did after I missed my flight? I called Levi, my husband. He brought me back into balance, like always. He picked up the pieces of my shattered heart from every man that broke it, even when we were just friends.

The next day, my flight was rescheduled. The universe brought me deeper into the lesson of self-love, boundaries, sacred sexuality, divine masculine & feminine, and so much more. I finally boarded that plane to Costa Rica for a sacred sexual shamanic retreat (ISTA, or as I call it, Sacred Self-Love Retreat).

“The universe will keep sending you men who don’t love you, as long as you don’t love yourself. Hoping you will get a clue to choose self-love” - a quote from J himself.

I finally chose self-love, and once I got the message, it was only 2 weeks later that I was engaged to Levi.

A moment of complete heartbreak led to my greatest blessing. If J would’ve given me that kiss, I wouldn’t have gone back to Levi, wouldn’t have married him, and wouldn’t have Zephyr—the only boy I will ever again beg for a kiss.

Every heartbreak leads to your next great love.

Allow my story to inspire you. Let it remind you that self-love has to come first, before any man, any person. You can’t truly love anyone until you love yourself.

Your husband is out there waiting for you to choose to love yourself, so he can finally choose to love you.

Let me know in the comments, did my story inspire you or help you in any way? And how?